Sex.

It's been getting easier to be calm is Carl and I don't have sex. All of the meetings have really been useful. The other day he picked me up and I saw my reflection in the mirror. And it disgusted me. I've been eating very healthy. I don't know why that isn't evident. But my stomach looked so gross.
Many a people have been asking me for pictures. I'm very reluctant because I would like to maintain my anonymity. I am considering it.
One more thing; eating disorders are not something I would ever encourage. I've been getting messages saying that my blog is triggering. Please understand that that is not my intention. I do not find eating disorders glamorous. They're wretched. I'm a normal weight and have destroyed my throat, my teeth, my organs, my skin. all for what? Being five pounds less than if I hadn't been throwing up my food? I don't miss my anorexic tendencies that consumed me for seven years. But dear god, why would i turn to bulimia. I hate myself for letting it happen. Every morning I wake up my throat hurts. Eating disorders are not worth it