Going to another meeting. Now that Carl is out of the picture, I need sex(as always, but now I can't have it) to feel like I'm going to be okay. It's been hard not throwing up the last few days. Since I was young, I've been able to tell myself that I can gain power over my addictions and mental illnesses, but truth is, if it were that easy, there would be no addicts. It's been hard to allow myself sobriety over the last couple of days. God knows they've been so hard. I think the real reason I'm not out drinking is because of how alcohol is processed; as a simple carb and sugar. Those are what make you fat. I didn't drink yesterday, only had a few hard boiled eggs (even though I hated them) And a couple of cheese-itz and I lost 1.2 pounds. I'm down 4.8 in the last few days. Here we go, baby. I'm determined to be beautiful by July.
If I can maintain this sobriety from every urge that it's so hard to resist, I can be whole again.
I'm worried charlie met someone. He's really good looking. What will I do if we can't go on our date because he has a new girlfriend? It would kill me. I'd be so jealous of the way he treats them, so perfectly.
FUCK ME. I'm so stupid. I just want him to hold me again. Four weeks, two days. Here we go.
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