It's weird how much self worth I put into my bad habits. My self worth falls into how much I can drink, satisfying other people, how little I can put into my body in a day, how much of that food I can vomit, how small my jean size is, how much drugs I can do(more my friends sense of my worth), the hookups I have, the people I hang out with. What am I without drug addicts? They're my friends.
The worst of all of my self worth is sexsexsex. and how thin my body is. Those two things are destroying me. I'm beginning my sobriety officially from my eating disorder. I'm going to eat a comfortable amount and work up. As for my drug use, I want to stick to pot. Maybe a drink or two here or there. No more pills, no more cocaine, no more shrooms or pcp or lsd or acid.
Here's to sobriety.
I'm going to call my sponsor for the saa and ask how to sleep with my boyfriend without falling into the unhealthy behavior of finding my worth within that.
What do you find your self-worth in? How do you do something healthy for yourself without it becoming an unhealhy habit. It's so tricky, and I'm so nervous where I stand, still shy in the shadow.
Can I just say that I really enjoy reading this honesty and I think as long as you continue with it, you will make progress. I was lucky enough to find a husband to keep me under his thumb. That might sound crazy and sexist but he is a fantastic husband and keeps me on the straight and narrow, so it works for me. Thanks so much for sharing. <3
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you can relate. I hope you keep reading!
DeleteI'm having a lot of trouble, but I'm immersing myself in a world of positivity. Keep on going. My boyfriend is really good about it too.
Good luck, and thanks for sharing <3