My boyfriend has never been anything but good to me. He's so attentive and loving. He hates how I drink, he hates how many drugs I let myself do without admiting to a problem. We're almost never apart. But he's been backpacking. Only for a week. I'd been very lonely though. So, i went to a party like I normally do(I go to the same party every monday, but It's never quite the same party.) Twenty beers later on a completely empty stomach and I was ready to pass out. One of the two boys that live there (27) told me that I could come sleep in his bed. I thought notihng of it because him and my boyfriend are friends and we all hang out every week. Before I knew it, I was drunkenly slurring at him, questioning his attraction to me. He stated that he would have hit on me if it hadn't been for my boyfriend. Next thing I knew, I was straddling him and we were play wrestling. I kissed his neck and he told me he thought that I was beautiful. I avoided kissing him for as long as I could. I was so drunk that eventually, I just gave up ignoring his passes at me and let him kiss me. I pushed him off not too much later. My reaction time was definitely delayed though. I could have done much worse than I, in reality, did.
I cheated on my boyfriend because he wasn't make me there to feel pretty. He was supposed to come back from backpacking today. He texted me saying he'd be back tomorrow.
We've both been cheated on, and a lot of the trust in our relationship has been built on our faith to eachother. I'm so afraid that he won't look at me in the same way ever again. I'm so afraid that it's just going to break his heart.
For the sake of this blog, I'm going to call him Carl. Him and I have already decided that I'm going to go to sex addiction therapy because of how I need it.
I can't blame this on the alcohol or the eating disorder, or the sex addiction. I don't believe that something that I did should be blamed on a filler. Although, it was an altered state of mind that I was experiencing. I have to wait until tomorrow to tell him.
Wish me luck!
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